Can Trump Voters Really Overcome Their Desires?

Let us say, and why not, that there is a gay couple, Eric and Don. Eric is a power bottom, crying out during sex that he wants to be fucked harder, using his tight ass on Don, slamming against Don until they both bust a nut so hard that it might blast the paint off the walls. Sure, Don can be a little out there in the things he says and the things he believes, but Eric's totally cool with it because, at the end of the day, Don's doing exactly what Eric wants, and, holy shit, that magic dick.

As time goes by, as the initial gleam of the relationship begins to dim a bit, Eric starts seeing Don a little more clearly. Don's not really holding his end up when it comes to things like paying the bills. He's more likely to just throw his cash after dumb shit like expensive meals or gifts for their friends' pets and then he pleads poverty when the rent's due. And Don's not much for household chores. He leaves a mess in the bathroom and then says that Eric's just too fussy, that it's not that bad. And then there's the fact that Don said he'd take a trip to see Eric's family, but every vacation, Don says he doesn't wanna go.

Sure, even after all this, Don can still get Eric off, and Eric can be just as enthusiastic because, goddamn, that shit feels so good. But, still, at what point is the fucking not enough for Eric? At what point, while Don's going at it and Eric is bouncing on that cock like it's a piston in his engine, does doubt start to creep in? When will he think, between thrusts, that this is all a big lie and that getting off just ain't enough? Or will Eric delude himself into believing that his fire hose orgasms justify putting up with everything else? It is quite the conundrum.

One of the things that is starting to creep into the seeming unending stream of articles and reports about the oh-so-important feelings of Americans who voted for Donald Trump is a sliver of regret. An article in the not-failing-at-all Washington Post today is about Republican women in North Carolina. It seems that at least some of 'em are realizing that Trump might not really be qualified to be president and might actually be a total fuck-up.

Said one woman with the Trump sads, "I can’t imagine how they let him build a country club — let alone be in one. Because adults don’t behave that way. I’ve been surprised that a billionaire would behave the way he has." Another woman offered, "He comes out with these grandiose ideas, and there’s no follow through. It's a lot of talk," which would pretty much be a description of Trump's entire worthless life. Of course, none of those interviewed in the article have said they would vote differently. But it's creeping in, just a little bit, that tinge one gets when one aligns oneself with a failure.

(You can also see it clearly in the hilariously pathetic retweets on the Trump_Regrets Twitter page.)

Obviously, it's a fool's hope that Trump voters would give up the very delusions that got them to vote for him. But one thing about it still being early in Trump's (hopefully abbreviated) term is that the effects of his administration's combination of cruelty, incompetence, and indifference haven't been felt yet. If the tax plan that was passed by the House gets through the Senate and people are unable to afford any health insurance or lose it because of Trump's fuckery and some of 'em start dying, well, maybe before they kick or their relatives or friends kick, they'll realize they've been had. Or maybe when more water systems are poisoned because Trump got rid of rules on dangerous pesticides. Or maybe when Trump fucks up the response to the inevitable next climate disaster, if it's in someplace like Mississippi or South Carolina. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

It's all a big maybe, mostly because his voters love it that he still sticks it to the Democrats and the libtards and the elitists and the New York Times and CNN and all that bullshit. And he still talks about that fuckin' wall that will never get built. That's the kind of shit that gets his supporters off. He's just fucking them in the ass and they're loving it and telling him to do it harder, pushing out all those thoughts about the possibility of nuclear war and the benefits to billionaires while student loans are more expensive and everything else, because he's telling off those ungrateful NFL ni-- gah, they cum so explosively because of it. And then they'll watch Hannity because that's the only reality they can handle.

When they get in the voting booth next year or in 2020, will they think about the ways they've been harmed? Or will they remember how good Trump makes them feel about the things they hate? I want to be optimistic. But I'm weary of being burned by hope.


Once More Into the Clinton Circle of Hell

The allegations and the actual incidents of sexual assault, rape, child molestation, and harassment that are swirling around men in politics and entertainment are so enraging that I just wanna resign from my sex and start another one called, "Not Them." But, of course, a bunch of abusive motherfuckers would join us and pretend that it's not them when, really, and, c'mon, it's them. And, of course, it's forcing us to look around and think about which scuzzy sons of bitches have gotten away with it. That has led some on the left to go to the place that the right never left: the Clinton Circle of Hell, where no story ever dies, where any assertion about Bill and Hillary Clinton lives on eternally and is pushed to the surface again and again to torment those of us damned to live through this piggish age.

The Weinstein and Cosby and Spacey and Moore and all the other other cases of sexual abuse have led some liberals to ask why we're not having a new reckoning with the fact that President Bill Clinton was accused of many similar acts. The one that comes up most often now is undoubtedly the most horrific: Juanita Broaddrick's claim that, while he was running for governor in Arkansas in 1978, Clinton met her in a hotel room on the pretext of a campaign discussion and raped her. Several notable progressive writers and pundits, in the last few days, have said that Democrats need to come to terms with the idea that what Broaddrick and other women said would be taken as true today.

They wonder if Democrats don't owe it to themselves to be honest about this seemingly jarring hypocrisy (although Democrats have had no problem expelling and turning against liberals recently), even going back to call out Democrats for their response in the 1990s. In the Atlantic, Caitlin Flanagan brings up Gloria Steinem's 1998 New York Times editorial defending Clinton and excoriating the women, declaring it "shameful." Of course, Flanagan doesn't mention the 1999 Times editorial calling on Clinton to publicly answer for Broaddrick's allegations.

I could be dismissive here and just say, "Fer fuck's sake, read the fucking Starr Report. Read the books from the time. Most of the women were demonstrably lying and even Broaddrick had multiple reasons to lie and the FBI said there wasn't anything there and Broaddrick herself swore under oath that it didn't happen. We did this already. We don't need to fucking do this again." But that's not fair because maybe some people do need to do this again or they're doing it for the first time, so let's take that seriously.

You wanna know why Broaddrick and the other allegations didn't lead to the collapse of the Clinton presidency and the whipping of the man into the hinterlands? Because Republicans had been fucking pricks about Clinton from the moment he became the Democratic nominee and by the time we got to Broaddrick, everyone was fucking sick of Republicans screaming about scandals and having hearings and appointing special prosecutors whenever one Clinton or the other farted longer than they liked. The motherfuckers cried, "Wolf!" constantly. And there was never a fuckin' wolf anywhere.

See, nothing happens in a vacuum. Lemme give you a quick jaunt through a couple of decades here. In the 1980s, Republicans still hadn't really gotten over Watergate (or the Vietnam War), but they thought that St. Ronnie Reagan was bringing them back to respectability, or at least a plausible bunch of lies and myths they could pretend was respectability. Then those fuckin' Democrats had to get their panties in a wad because Reagan had broken the law in order to get funding to the Contras in Nicaragua...

Let me pause here to say that I'm not gonna explain every damn thing. Fuckin' Google that shit. Anyways...

That just fucked up the Republicans' world because, c'mon, we can't have one fuckin' GOP president without a scandal? And then George Bush, Sr. gets in after St. Ronnie, and then he has a scandal of his own involving the bank that Contra drug money was laundered through and was protected because the Bush family was involved with the bank (BCCI scandal, kids). Holy fuckballs, and then Bush goes and loses to this hippie hick, Slick Willie, and the Republicans were gonna make that motherfucker suffer.

So, to get revenge on Democrats for fucking up their nice post-Nixon presidencies (and for forcing Clarence Thomas to face Anita Hill), from Day One, Republicans were on the hunt for anything to take those young asshole Clintons down. Thus we got the investigation of Hillary Clinton's law firm records, travel office firings, and a shitty land deal that became the Whitewater "scandal," which was only a "scandal" because it was that investigation that finally found something that Republicans could use against Clinton, lying under oath about getting oral from an intern in the Oval Office.

But that doesn't even get into the women that had been paraded before the public by a growing right-wing media wanting to tear down Clinton. Before the Broaddrick story really surfaced in 1999, we had already been through Gennifer Flowers talking about her affair with Clinton, which led to the Clintons going on television for an excruciating interview about Bill's infidelity. We'd been through Paula Jones accusing Clinton of showing her his dick, a story that fell apart when no one backed up Jones. The brand-new Fox "news" started in 1996 and was ready to push any story about Bill Clinton and sex. Then we got to Monica Lewinsky and the beginnings of the impeachment saga, as well as Kathleen Willey, who was also discredited when other women said under oath that she had had a consensual relationship with Clinton.

Then we finally got the Broaddrick story. But by that time, we'd heard women who were obviously lying but given huge roles by the media. We'd had reports about affairs and congressional investigations and Kenneth Starr and more sex and penis references than anyone wanted to deal with. It's not that no one believed Broaddrick. It's that Republicans were so driven to destroy Bill Clinton that we had every reason not to believe Broaddrick. So we didn't really even get to whether or not it was true (although, again, the Starr Report did deal with it).

So don't get so fuckin' smug about Gloria Steinem or Hillary Clinton. We were all living on a new 24-hour news cycle that was one sex scandal after another. Republicans were punishing the nation for electing Clinton, who, it should be noted, did much good and much bad as president, but one thing all of us should wonder is if he would have gotten Osama bin Laden if the GOP hadn't clogged the works with their pornographic interest in Clinton's cigar sodomy. (Seriously, Google all this stuff if you think I'm lying.)

What do we do now about Broaddrick and Clinton? Personally, I believe we dealt with it, and I'm someone who thought back in the day that Clinton should have resigned when the DNA test came back from the dress semen and that he should have let Al Gore be president.

I do think that Bill Clinton is tarred by all the allegations, from the most outrageous to the most tragic, true or not, and he was impeached. Yes, he gets to live the life of a wealthy man, but his legacy has an asterisk, and a good percentage of the country vilifies him and Hillary.

And we will never, ever leave this Circle of Hell because we will never, ever agree whether or not it's deserved.


Alabama Gut Check

Hey, Alabama, Rude Pundit here. Listen:

Most of the country thinks you're a bunch of toothless, backwards-ass country hicks and rednecks who would rape any human or animal that crosses your path. It ain't just the elitist coastal states that think that. We thought that in Louisiana. We thought that in Tennessee. We thought that in Indiana. You're all donkey-humping, incest-loving, dumbass, uneducated and proud, KKK robe-wearing, bullshit Christian shitheels who treat women like dirt and non-whites like less than dirt. Yeah, most of the country sees you like that. And the dumb fucks among you will say you don't care what outsiders think. We can all go fuck ourselves, right?

But, see, I happen to know another Alabama. I know the people who give an enormous shit about science in Huntsville, and I'm not just talking about the tech industry and the space industry there. I'm talking about the whole goddamn city where every job relies on the people who understand reason and science and education. I know the large populations of black people in places like Birmingham, Montgomery, and Mobile. And I know that Auburn and 'Bama aren't just there for football. Some serious shit happens at those places.

You are at a crossroads right now with the candidacy of Roy Moore for the U.S. Senate. As of now, Moore is accused of:
-Forcing a 14-year-old girl to fondle his dick through his underwear while he fondled her through hers.
-Trying to force a 16-year-old girl to give him a blow job in his parked car.
-Skeeving on teenage girls so much as a 30something year-old man that a mall in Gadsden, which, c'mon, Alabama, that is pretty much the Alabama-est place in Alabama (except for maybe Dothan),  banned Moore from the place in the early 1980s.

How must it feel to be a rational Alabaman and see all these people defending Moore, strenuously, desperately trying to find a way to contort sexual assault and child molestation to fit a narrative about the culture wars. How awful that must be to watch your fellow state citizens do absolutely stupid shit like the 50 pastors who signed a letter of support for Moore.

If you're on the fence here, goddamn, you have to ask yourself, "Is it worth this to make sure that someone who pisses off the libtards gets into office?" And if your answer is "Hell, yeah, I'd rather a pedophile than a Democrat," well, you're not really even human, let alone American, at that point.

Who am I to tell you what to do, Alabama? I'm just a Northeast liberal, vaguely Jewy, faggier than you like, even though the majority of my life was spent in the South and Midwest. But, you know, that fucks up the narrative you've constructed for anyone who thinks you should stop being so fucking cravenly, obviously, hypocritically dumb.

But you know what growing up in the South taught me? You know what all those trips to Alabama and Mississippi let me know? If there's one thing that you fuckin' hate other than Yankees and Negroes, it's people gettin' all high and mighty about shit. So, c'mere, and listen for a fuckin' second, Jesse and Skeeter, while I talk to you in your degraded, demi-human language.

Roy Moore was a District Attorney when he was trying to deflower young white girls. That motherfucker held that over those girls. He said to Beverly Young Nelson, after he tried to get her to suck his dick, "You're just a child and I am the District Attorney of Etowah County, and if you tell anyone about this, no one will ever believe you." How would you like him talking to your sister like that? What kind of man is that? The kind of man who will use his power to crush the little people, like you. The kind of man who takes advantage of people who can't fight him.

Well, now you can. You can vote against him. You can stand up to someone who is a bully. You can demand he get out of the race. You can vote for the Democrat, Doug Jones, as honorable a man as you'll find in these filthy times. Or you can just stay home.

And don't believe the people who tell you that you can vote for Moore and he'll be expelled from the Senate, which would let your governor appoint someone. Do you trust Congress that much?

It's a gut check, Alabama. You can prove everyone wrong, or you can just keep being fuckin' Alabama, with your shit education system, your shit health care, your shit economy, and your shit government.

Whether you believe in it or not, it's time to evolve, motherfuckers.


Roy Moore: Another Stupid Fucking Republican

Lemme address this to all the right-wing shitsacks desperately dragging themselves across the broken glass of the allegations of sexual impropriety and assault against Senate nominee and repugnant hate-monster Roy Moore of Alabama to defend him:

How many 14-year-olds does a Republican man have to force to fondle his dick for it to disqualify him from office?

This is a legitimate question in 2017 because Joel Pollack, the bearded worm who is a senior editor at Breitbart (motto: "Democracy dies on our website"), really did say about Moore and the woman who says Moore assaulted her when she was 14, "[A]s far as we know, there's only one relationship that's been alleged that's problematic."

Yes, it is "problematic" that, according to the Washington Post, Moore targeted a 14-year-old girl. It is "problematic" that Moore kissed her without her consent. It is "problematic" that Moore undressed her to her underwear, as he did himself. It is "problematic" that he touched her breasts over her bra and her genitals over her panties. It is "problematic" that he took her hand and used it to grope his cock. All of that is what you might call "problematic" if you're a nauseating ass-licker whose party's hypocrisy and criminality apparently have no limits and whose ideology is so corrupt and bereft of reason and morality that you could actually just call forced sexual contact "problematic" in a way that implies that you're cool with it as long as it's just one victim.

In other words, fuck anyone who is defending Moore here, and you can fuckin' well bet that a whole lot of Alabamans are doing that right now because Moore is a man of Jesus or some such shit because he humped a Ten Commandments monument and hates him the gays, and Democrat Doug Jones, who has been on the side of civil rights and environmental justice, is a sinful liberal nigger-lover who will melt your Confederate monuments and re-crucify Christ.

In fact, one of Moore's defenders brought Jesus into it, of course, because fuckin' Alabama, man. "Take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus," said Alabama State Auditor Jim Zeigler. Ignoring getting the basic Bible shit wrong (God put that fuckin' Jesus baby in Mary), that's a creepy goddamn take on the birth of Christ. If what you get from the New Testament is that it's totally cool to bone a minor, you're probably reading it wrong.

Of course, both are fine with Moore trying to date a 16-year-old, which, while maybe not technically illegal, is fucking skeevy as all fucking hell.

The other excuses defenders use are equally fucked up. It was a long time ago, some say, blaming the women for not speaking out sooner about something that happened nearly 40 years ago, as if a young girl in Alabama could go up against a district attorney who later became a judge. As if women don't keep the violence done to them quiet for decades out of fear and shame that has been inculcated in them by male-dominated society that told them to be silent.

Right now former Representative Anthony Weiner, a Democrat, is serving time in prison for sexting with a 15 year-old. Democrats didn't blink about abandoning Weiner once his insane tweeting came to light.

Meanwhile, with a few exceptions, Republicans merely are saying "if it's true" Moore should be kicked off the ballot. But Moore, who has come back from more career deaths than John Travolta, is the shit you can't scrape off your shoes.  Motherfucker is already fundraising off the allegations. And if he's elected and seated (and he probably will be), the GOP will have told us that their tax cuts are worth all the pussy-grabbing and dick-fondling and assault and alleged rapes (by Trump). Who cares about women if the Kochs and the Mercers are happy?

If Jesus came back, he'd look at these motherfuckers and say, "Yeah, turned enough cheeks" before kicking their asses.


Random Observations on the First Good Night in a Long Time

1. You know how when you've gone a while without fucking - and this is all relative to how often you fuck in general, so it could be a month, six months, or, you know, a year- and then you get to fuck again? Now, the first time you fuck after all that time, it's gonna feel good. It's gonna feel amazing, in fact, and you're gonna be grateful for the good graces of your partner. When you cum, if you're not careful, you can fool yourself into thinking that this was the ultimate orgasm. But the truth is that it's a good start for what you hope will be a nice, long period where you're fucking all the time. And you know that the truly metaphysical orgasm awaits those who know they gotta get back in the groove. Yeah, things feel good now. But, holy shit, how your pussy's gonna pop with joy, how your cock's gonna explode, when you get it just right.

So, yeah, last night was a damn good time in the land of the somewhat free and the occasionally brave. Between the complete reaming of the Republican Party in Virginia to the giant "Fuck yeah" approval of a Medicaid expansion in Maine to the rainbow of candidates who beat the shit out of white men, it was a great night for Democrats across the board, the first time in long, long damn time when you could say, "Holy shit, we might make it out of this whole thing alive."

2. In fact, between the transgender candidates and black candidates and gay candidates and women candidates and Sikh candidates and Latino/a candidates and immigrant candidates and the candidates who were some combination of several of those things who won, yesterday was a complete rebuke to the politics of hate that Donald Trump and his savage tribe of pasty dudes (and a few pasty dames) have propagated and that the media said we were damned to for the foreseeable future. It was as if real America finally reared its head and declared, "No, motherfuckers, this ain't a country that is just about what a group of backwards ass, Fox-fucked, opioid-wrecked working class white people want. It's about everyone else."

3. And that's the message Democrats better get on board with: Fuck white people. That doesn't mean white people shouldn't run as Democrats. Hell, Ralph Northam and Phil Murphy did just fine (even if Northam was starting to cave to white people fears towards the end of the race). Listen: The only way to help the white working class is to abandon the white working class when it comes to trying to get votes. The future of the Democratic Party is to appeal to the diversity and inclusiveness that so many of us of all races want to be part of. A whole lot of whites will join in that effort because we know that the only way to get a progressive agenda passed is to get into office on a progressive agenda. And people who love Trump just because he hates non-white people are never going to vote for the Democrats at this point. So fuck 'em. And then get the votes to get 'em the health care and jobs programs they need.

4. There are many, many amazing stories from last night that fuck with the media narrative of the direction of the country. But I love Danica Roem, the transgender woman who won a seat in the Virginia General Assembly against Bob Marshall, a transphobic incumbent Republican. Roem is the lead singer of the band Cab Ride Home, who describe themselves thusly: "Northern Virginia metal band Cab Ride Home represents one thing: partying. We're a five-piece group and all members are committed to ultimately touring full-time. Our sound is drunken thrash metal, our songs are about drinking and our shows are about raging." And their songs celebrate drinking, passing out, and vomiting, as in "And back on the bus he barfed on the seat/All had a laugh, 'There's a story to tell.'/But when he woke up, 'Fuckin' go to hell!'"

For those of us of a certain age, the idea of a hard-rocking, cursing, hard-drinking trans woman winning any election is mind-blowing in the best fuckin' way possible.

And, then, to fuck with you even more, Roem was classier in victory than Donald Trump has ever been on any day of his pathetic, useless life. When she was asked about Marshall last night, Roem replied, "I don’t attack my constituents. Bob is my constituent now." Holy fucking hell.

5. But I'm not nearly that gracious. Last night was a giant fart right in Donald Trump's puckered, ruddy face, with some juicy ones left for Steve Bannon. Trump was his usual shitty self, distancing himself from Ed Gillespie's loss in Virginia, despite the fact that less than 24 hours before he had endorsed the GOP candidate. A large number of Americans, larger than expected, looked at the choices and said, "Fuck him." And Trump and his brand of hate politics inspired that rainbow of candidates to run. "Resistance" is no longer just a nice motto, a concept. It's throbbing in full action, and it's blowing a load all over Trump's presidency.

5a. Republicans have a choice now. Stick with Trump or run away. Admittedly, part of me wants them to cling to Trump like the desperate dogs they are, willing to put up with the whippings as long as he feeds them. Because then they will surely be swept away by the destructive wave that just started to build last night. But part of me is shit-scared about the damage they can do if they take that path. It's still a year until the midterms. How much fuckery will be done before then? So maybe it's best they abandon Trump now. Perhaps get rid of him. As he shits blood tonight, Paul Ryan must be making some calculations about impeachment once the tax cut vote is over.

5b. Next, it's up to you, Alabama. Show us that you're ready to come out of the dark ages. (Note: It likely won't.)

6. "Hello, America," many of us said last night. "It's been a while." And then we took America to bed, fucking together for the first time in the year since America broke up with us. We don't know if America will end up taking us back. But it sure seems like America is thinking about it.


Trump's Blur of Lies: How Many Falsehoods Can One Man Tell in 24 Hours?

In about a day, President Donald Trump, that prickish Oompa-Loompa who pushes the kids into the chocolate, let loose with such a flurry of lies that it formed a kind of thick fog of bullshit. And by "lies," I mean, "Shit that is demonstrably wrong used to deceive people."

In his press conference with President Moon of South Korea, Trump was asked about the idea of "extreme vetting" for people purchasing guns. Trump seemed to think that Texas mass killer Devin Kelley was an army unto himself. Talking about the man who ended up shooting and wounding Kelley, Trump offered, "If he didn’t have a gun, instead of having 26 dead, you would have had hundreds more dead." Where exactly these hundreds of people would have come from at a church that seated 50 in the middle of nowhere is left unsaid, as is how, exactly, 26 slaughtered people, including a dozen kids, is some kind of victory for the Second Amendment.

Then Trump repeated a talking point that the right cannot let go of, no matter how many times it's debunked: "I mean, you look at the city with the strongest gun laws in our nation, is Chicago, and Chicago is a disaster. It's a total disaster." Putting aside the idea of the President of the United States calling a major American city a "disaster," on a basic comparison level, it's complete bullshit. And as I and many, many others have pointed out, Chicago is right near Indiana, which has some of the weakest gun laws in our nation, and it's pretty fuckin' easy to drive the 40 minutes or so from Gary or Valparaiso to Chicago.

But the blur of unreality continued on Trump's tweeted endorsements of chinless and spineless worm Ed Gillespie for Virginia governor. Trump attacked Democrat Ralph Northam and the current Democratic administration, saying, "Ed W Gillespie will totally turn around the high crime and poor economic performance of VA." (Hmmm. Think Trump is getting used to the term "high crimes"?)

A recent ranking of the safest states in the country when it comes to violent crime and property crime put Virginia at number 6. Sure, Richmond is pretty damn murdery, but if you're talking the whole state, Virginia doesn't have "high crime" by any stretch of an idiot's imagination.

As for the economy, the unemployment rate in Virginia is the 10th lowest in the nation. In June, its economy was ranked 13th in the country by Wallethub, which improves on its 2016 ranking of 15th. In other words, not only is the economy in good shape under a Democratic governor and a Democratic lieutenant governor, Ralph Northam. It's getting better.

And then there's the Trump boogeyman of the moment, the gang MS-13, which is fucking up Central American countries. When Ed Gillespie decided to go full racist, he more or less accused Northam of blowing each and every member of MS-13 as he let them out of prison. Really, all Northam did was supports sanctuary cities, which is pretty much the same thing as giving machetes to gang members. Gillespie and Trump are blowing up the threat of the gang to al-Qaeda-like proportions and pinning it on Northam. Oddly, they don't bring up that the gang was there, perhaps even in larger numbers, back when Republican Bob McDonnell was governor. (Note: Post-racist ad, Northam said he would ban sanctuary cities, so good job, racists.)

Every single one of these lies is calculated to have an effect, whether it's to get Gillespie elected or to please the gun-fellating base. Or, in the case of another lie, about the supposedly high taxes Americans pay, it's meant to pleasure GOP donors and keep the rubes angry at the guvmint.

What we are seeing in this whirlwind of prevarication, this blizzard of bullshit, is the degradation of our notions of truth, of fact, where everything is relative to whoever has the loudest megaphone and whoever gets the most clicks. "Well, this scientist says that climate change is going to fuck us all up," some asshole might tell his asshole wife. "But Swingin' Dick McGee here on Facebook tells me that it's all a hoax and we'll all be fine. Slap me in my face with your dick, McGee, because I believe you."

Lies are easy and simple. Truths are complex and difficult. We'll run to the comfort of the simple even as we barricade ourselves in our homes with our multiple guns, believing that the evil gang members are going to kill our daughters and rape our dogs, ignoring the floods that will wash us away.


Chekhov's Second Amendment: The Horrible Inevitability of the Gun

A well-worn, possibly apocryphal anecdote about the Russian playwright Anton Chekhov has him giving advice on writing and the use of plot devices. "If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired," Chekhov supposedly said. What's often left off is the last part of that line: "Otherwise don't put it there." The idea is that if you're not going to bother using the gun, it's useless to have it.

While I don't think anyone shoots up a church or a school or a concert or a club or a house or a restaurant or an office or a store just because he (and, let's be honest, it's almost always "he") owns a  semi-automatic, possibly modified, possibly with a bump stock, but if you are thinking of ruining the day for a few dozen, possibly a few hundred, people, and you've had all these guns just sitting there, maybe taken out for target practice, well, if you're not gonna use it, then don't put it there, right?

As we grapple with our new house of horrors in a house of worship, this time in a tiny town, Sutherland Springs, Texas, the usual tedious voices on the right are voicing the usual tedious things. "We don’t need politics right now," said Senator Ted Cruz when asked if we should maybe, perhaps, at least, please, just a little, talk about gun laws. And you'll hear that repeatedly. Doyenne of evil spin and a woman with a raging case of the Trumps, Kellyanne Conway. said that it was "disrespectful" to talk about politics now.

Except it's not too soon for everyone. For instance, today the National Rifle Association put out a call for "urgent action" on an Illinois bill that, the NRA screams, is "extreme." What is this "onerous," "egregious," and "excessive" legislation? A move to license gun dealers. That's the thing that's so urgent that the NRA couldn't put aside politics in honor of the dead. If the anti-gun side is supposed to shut up, then so should the pro-gun.

Except the pro-gun side never thinks it's getting political after a massacre, no matter how many children are torn to shreds by guns. The Texas Attorney General, Ken Paxton, declared that the answer wasn't to do anything to stem the tide of guns themselves. Laws don't work, Paxton said. What will work, he explained, is "arming some of the parishioners or the congregation so that they can respond if something like this, when something like this happens again."

To some, this sounds like great sense - if you have more guns, then there's less of a chance this Devin Kelley monster in body armor could have gotten off all the shots he did from the oversized magazine he was legally able to buy, along with the legally-bought AR-15. And that's frightening, not just because it sounds nonsensical. To some of us, it sounds like surrendering. It sounds like we have decided that the only way to deal with guns is to give up and allow them to infect every part of our society, that instead of making ourselves safe, we make ourselves eternally unsafe, always awaiting the next bullet, always having the gun in the first act that goes off in the next, always prepared with thoughts and prayers instead of action.

Except thoughts and prayers just seem ludicrous when a church is shot up so badly that the pastor doesn't think the actual physical building can ever be repaired. And while the faithful will say that they are being tested, that they find comfort in Jesus, that they know there is a plan, I can't help but wonder if we're not misreading the signs from God. I mean, maybe all the horrific events, the frequent massacres with more than a dozen, two dozen victims, is God telling us that it's time to give up the guns.

What could be a clearer message than God showing us what happens when human-made weapons are used on human bodies? "Oh, shooting high schools wasn't enough? How about shooting little kids? Oh, that's not enough? Then how about shooting up some churches? C'mon, what the hell is wrong with you idiots? Could I be any clearer?" I imagine a frustrated invisible sky wizard yelling at the United States. "Why aren't you politicizing this shit? All that means is 'doing something to solve the problem.' Jesus H. Christ. No, not you, Jesus..."

If it's too early to talk about gun control in the wake of the tragedy in Sutherland Springs, then let's just say we're talking about it post-Las Vegas. Or post-Orlando. Or post-Newtown.  However far back you need to go to feel comfortable -Columbine? Killeen? San Ysidro? - let's say we're talking about it because of that nightmare.